I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
