Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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