Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
