I hate your face
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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