I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize