Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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