i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
