i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I said "one day" and that day is not today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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