being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
