get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
