you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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