someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
