I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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