Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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