am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
