so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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