Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
