the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
