At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
where are you?
Hypothermia
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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