yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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