Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
