Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
