I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
