bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
