Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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