My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
