At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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