Just cropdusted the office
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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