Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
