the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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