Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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