dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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