God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
