the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
