Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
