Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
