my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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