my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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