Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
