Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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