He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't put those talents on a resume
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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