in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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