she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
