I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My pussy is not your playground.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
