I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and she was petting her beer can
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
