Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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