he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
