i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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