We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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