thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
