you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
