my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
