the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
