I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
