I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
