so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
