I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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