Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize