If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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