i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
