i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he thought i was a dude.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
