yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
