Sponge bath it is.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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