Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
