i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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