I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
