MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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