We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
