You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
