My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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